I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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