So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
