awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My breasts were aching with rage.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
