Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
