Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
