Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
