I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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