god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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