How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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