ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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