I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
