Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
