I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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