When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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