Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
