i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
