so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
