Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
