I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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