I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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