Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
