If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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