well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
