Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
