I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
