Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
