WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
