You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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