he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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