Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
