He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
