Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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