Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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