I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
