wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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