I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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