hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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