he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
