Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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