after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
