apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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