The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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