She is in my trunk
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
