So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
