So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
