Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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