We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
