He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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