She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
