I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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