can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
