My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
